Memoires and Musings
Monday, March 30, 2015
New York...
I wonder why it makes me feel so nostalgic...
so dreamy...
As I've mentioned before, I recently bought (or was bought) a two story loft in New York right dead center in SoHo, which in my opinion is probably one of the best things I've done in a long time. I have always loved New York; spending late nights at gallery openings when I was fronting my first Dollywood project Muse Magazine to shopping up and down 5th avenue for designer vintage. New York has been good to a lot of us, but it isn't without it's somewhat bad memories as well. It was also the first place that I was turned down for a job to work at the then media behemoth Medoll Memoires by Aislin Rane Victory, who then was working for Isabella Arci and Noelle Page respectively.
I'm sure that my being rejected then was some of my fault; I was a young up start writer who turned in a 5 paragraph (I know, 5 paragraphs? That's so menial) editorial on Dollywood's crisis over fame and success. I have to admit, even though I was so gung-ho about not being classified as an elite, I was still trying to have a career among them... but at the same time, I can't help but feel that at that moment Aislin was trying to keep me back from having some success. Nothing comes easy, however, and as that was one of the many hurdles I had to jump over to make it, it happened here in New York. Even after I'd been robbed, I reached out with no reply from the same blogger who had me on their friend's list for months even though we'd never engaged in a real conversation other than that of me being interviewed about my reality show The Dollywood Socialite... with chasing after elitism, I found myself being rejected. I wonder how many young socialites now are feeling the same way. Can I get a raise in hands?
But of course, even some things come to an end....
some people just aren't really your 'best friends' and nor are you. We have to face that in our lives, you see, parting ways with those you call acquaintances and those who choose to know you for when it's right. In no way am I calling anyone opportunistic, but sometimes you just have to wonder...
With MDM gone but not forgotten, I wonder sometimes about how opportunity is fleeting, how the ones who were once on top fall off the face of the Earth and out of your connection.
debacle after debacle, some are always just looking out for themselves.
As the world watched that historical moment of MDM's history come to a loud end, I wonder what would have happened to my career as a writer if I was swept up into that drama. Most of the original writers for the blog have either died or have stopped writing all together, and I wonder if I would be one of them. If then, when I was a bit discouraged by a winky face and a nod while being told that I wasn't good enough, would I have cared so much when my blogging career was ended for being involved in such drama? Would I be where I am today? Sometimes the most coveted things are laced with poison.
I just wonder sometimes when I pass by certain locales where I'd be if I'd been accepted to write for MDM sometimes. I haven't spoken to Aislin since, but sometimes I just wonder. It's all old news now though and I guess I shouldn't care, but it's just a passing thought; Noelle Page has gone off into obscurity in the Phillipines whereas Isabella Arci, someone I looked up to for the longest, is focusing on her own happiness and solace, often times being photographed by paparazzi in her home while relaxing. It's kind of a shame, but some ugly patches end up making their way to the surface in my memory from time to time...
With that said and done, I have been trying to decorate my new loft and make it my second home away from home. With my partner Mathew on a business trip in London (and a very prolonged one so I think), I'll be spending a lot of time in New York for the next few weeks getting things organized and decorated to my liking. So far, I'm working on yet another master suite of a closet for all of my favorite pieces that are all in their own New York worthy:
I'm still cleaning up as you can tell, but I don't think I'll reveal most of the mess so far until I dedicate more time to cleaning. I see this time as a vacation in between a vacation, and by spending time playing with my favorite toys (Birkins', Lady Dior's, and among other fabulous bits and baubles) and privately lunching...
But even while I'm enjoying myself, lately I can't help but to think back. Even as I take a bite out of my macaroon, I wonder how things could have been. Haven't you all? Just think and think until you drive yourself crazy, wondering why all those who came out of the wood work in the beginning fade away just as soon as something happens? It's not all that important I suppose; new beginnings always are filled with hauntings, but oh well. Let me stuff my fat ass with some cake first!
- XOXO Ashley
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